Etsy Finds: I Love the 80's

I love the 80's.

I love them so much that I've spent the entire morning trying to find the words to describe my feelings.

I haven't come up with much:

If I could have gotten a college degree in the 80's, I would have.
However, I was, like, 2 years-old in the 80's, so I would have been a really f'ing smart baby.
I'd been the most knowledged person in all things 80's and blow you away with my comprehension of Prince's discography and other things like that.
Can you imagine a 2 year-old who can sing every single Prince song?
I didn't think so.

That's about as much as I could come up with.

In lieu of what words can't describe, please check out these awesome 80's finds on Etsy:

You're the Hall to my Oates. $5

The closest I will ever get to that hot, bristly goodness. $16

For when my honey and I get married. $35

Haven't you always wanted a bunch of little, tiny Michaels adorning the walls of your Crate & Barrel catalog home? $10.99

This one defies words $17.95

To use while eating your favorite Rocky Road ice cream. $15

"Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!" $30

Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?

Del: Why are you holding my hand?

Neal:[frowns] Where's your other hand?

Del: Between two pillows...

Neal; Those aren't pillows!
$11.99

Well fuck you, for sure, like totally! $200

The cutest part of Labyrinth (outside of David Bowie's package). $45

I _____ Crispin Glover. $25.99

Maybe my new favorite artist. $15

Who needs paper dolls? I still dress up as Bowie. At night. In the dark. Alone. $18

Hipster Valentine's Gift Guide Pt. 1

It's that dreaded time of year.

That time where you have to buy your special lady or gentlemen friend a gift that says, "Hey, I guess I kind of like you." Or, "I'm completely broke right now, but hey thanks for letting me have sex with you, the best I can give you is your special edition record of "Power, Corruption & Lies" back."

If you're not sure what to get your non-prescription bespectacled lover, then look no further. I have just the thing for you!

1.) Nothing says "I love you" to your lady (or that "I'm secretly in love with mustached men and this is how I'm trying to tell you") more than a Tom Selleck pillow.

Make sure to check out their Chuck Norris and Burt Reynolds pillows as well.

Made in Austin! (of course! where else would you find something soooo ironic?)

(thanks @adleyh)

2.) If you don't know how to tell your baby that you want to bone him/her, then let the Michael McDonald Ultimate Collection do the talking. He knows how.

I can't even count how many times I've boned to McD!

(That's because it's never happened.) :(

(Thank you, Marcos, for recently using the word "boning" and inspiring the usage of that word in this post).

3.) Don't forget to thank your gay boyfriend with Patti Smith's autobiography about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe, "Just Kids". Who needs a hetereo boyfriend? Who? WHO NEEDS ONE?

4.) Need to tell your honey that you want to write a thinly disguised novel about how crazy she is? Then pick up a copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald's love letters to his wife, Zelda Sayre, "Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda".

5.) You can't forget about the Brandon Bird "Law & Order: SVU" Valentines' Day cards now, can you?

6.) If you're finding yourself all alone this Valentine's Day, then why not treat yourself to the Taschen published "The Big Penis Book"?

And I mean treat yourself.