Etsy Finds: I Love the 80's

I love the 80's.

I love them so much that I've spent the entire morning trying to find the words to describe my feelings.

I haven't come up with much:

If I could have gotten a college degree in the 80's, I would have.
However, I was, like, 2 years-old in the 80's, so I would have been a really f'ing smart baby.
I'd been the most knowledged person in all things 80's and blow you away with my comprehension of Prince's discography and other things like that.
Can you imagine a 2 year-old who can sing every single Prince song?
I didn't think so.

That's about as much as I could come up with.

In lieu of what words can't describe, please check out these awesome 80's finds on Etsy:

You're the Hall to my Oates. $5

The closest I will ever get to that hot, bristly goodness. $16

For when my honey and I get married. $35

Haven't you always wanted a bunch of little, tiny Michaels adorning the walls of your Crate & Barrel catalog home? $10.99

This one defies words $17.95

To use while eating your favorite Rocky Road ice cream. $15

"Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!" $30

Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?

Del: Why are you holding my hand?

Neal:[frowns] Where's your other hand?

Del: Between two pillows...

Neal; Those aren't pillows!
$11.99

Well fuck you, for sure, like totally! $200

The cutest part of Labyrinth (outside of David Bowie's package). $45

I _____ Crispin Glover. $25.99

Maybe my new favorite artist. $15

Who needs paper dolls? I still dress up as Bowie. At night. In the dark. Alone. $18

It's Rick Moranis Day!

A childhood fascination of mine that has transcended into adulthood is my love of nerds. Short nerds, tall nerds, young nerds, old nerds, aesthetically questionable nerds, sexually subordinate nerds- it doesn't matter. The more socially awkward the better.

Where did this love come from? I'm not sure. Believe me, if I knew, I wouldn't have spent all that money seeing a psychotherapist on Saturdays and then supplementing my emotional purging with a trip to Golden Corral after every visit.

Maybe it was from the hours of watching "Back to the Future". Somewhere between the ages of four and six I discovered that Doc Brown could get my latent sexuality flux capacitor up to 1.21 gigawatts. It wasn't long after that that I ached to get a glimpse of Egon Spengler's proton pack. By the time I was ten, Lord have mercy for I was powerless to the charms of Dr. Ian Malcolm. I dreamt of making sweet Goldblum love to him in the foothills of misty mountains while being scouted by vicious velociraptors.

All these men satiated my questionable "should we maybe have her talk to someone about this?" fantasies and made frequent appearances in my dreams wearing knit sweaters and eating cupcakes (long story), but only one man in particular held my heart on a string.

Rick Moranis was my prince in starched clothing. My fumbling Lothario. My nebbish Romeo.

For years Moranis held the #1 spot in my heart. His characters' affinity for circular glasses, tussled hair, and lack of self confidence showed me everything I looked for in a man. I thought my love for Moranis was mine alone, but as I grew older, I discovered that I had to share my little man with others. Dozens, maybe even a hundred people in the world love Rick Moranis.

But what is so special about Rick Moranis to others? Why do people like this guy sing about boning a giant cardboard cut-out of Moranis' face in an alley?

I asked my alarmingly witty and attractive co-worker, Tommy, in NYC to give me a little insight. He is an aficionado on pop culture and a champion in life. If anyone knows about the importance of Moranis in today's society, it's Tommy:

Me: Why do you love Rick Moranis?

Tommy: Because of his glasses...and his small stature. I just want to put him in my pocket.

Me: What would you do with him in your pocket? That's not a loaded question. Ok, maybe it is.

Tommy: I'd feed him powdered milk. And bits of cheese. I've often thought about putting him on a keychain. He's an adorable little man.

I also asked my producer friend, Chris, in LA his thoughts on Moranis. Working in Hollywood practically makes him Moranis' brother:

Me: Why do you love Rick Moranis?

Chris: Because he was the lovable, bespectacled goofball in the films of our childhood.

Me: But why do you really love him?

Chris: Honestly, I've seen like two movies he's been in...

Me: I'm just going to write that you said- "Rick Moranis was possibly the greatest actor of the 20th Century. His comedic abilities blazed trails for generations of comedians, but he also proved that the nerd could overcome all adversity. Comedy AND society would not be where it is today if it weren't for Rick Moranis."

What I think Tommy and Chris were trying to say is that Rick Moranis was possibly the greatest actor of the 20th Century. His comedic abilities blazed trails for generations of comedians, but he also proved that the nerd could overcome all adversity. Comedy AND society would not be where it is today if it weren't for Rick Moranis.

He was the lovable drunk that saved a bunch of alcoholic Canadians from turning into remote control zombie hockey players.

He was the flower shop associate with the high-fastening pants that got the girl but was formerly eaten by a giant, velvety-voiced plant in the original screenplay.

He was the accountant who wore coordinating velour track suits who didn't get the girl, but later got Annie Potts.

That is why we love Rick Moranis. He taught us that anything is attainable.

But why do I love Rick Moranis the most?
Because adult Rick strangely looks a lot like me as a baby.

Happy Rick Moranis Day!

One Day When I Finish My Screenplay...

...This is who I'm going to cast.

(I have yet to write said screenplay, so, I guess...umm....we'll have to make up the characters RIGHT NOW!)

"Steinbergs in Space"

"Mervin Steinberg" played by Rick Moranis.

Bumbling, nerdy father who also happens to be an astronaut stricken with Tourettes.

I've had a crush on Moranis since I first saw GHOSTBUSTERS when I was four (that's actually a lie, my first crush was Egon Spangler, but as I got older, it shifted to Louis Tully). In my mind, Moranis has created some of the most memorable characters in contemporary film- Bob McKenzie, Louis Tully, Seymour Krelborn, and Dark Helmut (lest I forget Barry Nye, Barney Coopersmith, and Wayne Szalinski as well). This Canadian comedian has done it all; rock DJ, sketch comedy actor, country singer, single Dad. Moranis has kept his career pretty low key since the passing of his wife in 1991.

In 1998, I legally changed my name to Lauren Moranis.

"Janice Steinberg" played by Deborah Foreman

Hot Mom married to Mervin. Is a devoted mother, wife, and interior space designer.

When I think of 80's babe, I think of Phoebe Cates (who doesn't think of Phoebe Cates?). After I'm done thinking of Phoebe Cates, I think of Deborah Foreman. Foreman is best known as Julie Richman in "Valley Girl" and Muffy/Buffy St. John in the horror classic(?) "April Fool's Day".

"Lucky Steinberg" played by Curtis Armstrong

The alcoholic brother of Mervin, Lucky spends his days being an intergalactic black jack dealer and pushing weighted cocaine (so it like, doesn't fly up into space when you're trying to do a line, you know?)

If you don't know who Curtis Armstrong is, you should be shot. He's Booger, he's Herbert Quentin Viola, and he's John Cusack's best friend in "Better Off Dead". He's the second man I fantasize about at night (after Moranis).

"DeeDee Steinberg" played by Amy Sedaris

Mervin and Janice's daughter is a full-time ventriloquist. Obsessive compulsive, the townspeople often spot her picking up garbage around town with her dummy, Skippy.

Amy is who I would like to be when I grow up. If not for comic wit and good looks, then for making killer cheeseballs and having an imaginary boyfriend named Ricky. Oh wait. Ricky died. Glenn. Glenn the disabled marine.

"Tex Langford" played by Charles Rocket

Tex is the nosey neighbor to the Steinbergs. He enjoys barbequing nude and singing opera at night.

Sure, he might be dead, but that's not going to stop me from casting him in "Steinbergs in Space". You may know Rocket best from his role as the villain in "Dumb and Dumber". Or if you are a little more sensitive of b-list actors who committed suicide like myself, you may recognize him as Bruce Willis' brother in "Moonlighting", Ned Grossberg on "Max Headroom", or the Weekend Update anchor on the '80-'81 season of "SNL". Rocket was part of the cool kid set at RISD in the 70's, which eventually moved to Manhattan. He can be seen on old episodes of "TV Party". I was fortunate enough to have met Rocket at the "TV Party" documentary premiere in Tribeca. A few months later he killed himself by slitting his own throat in his backyard. RIP Charles Rocket.

"Jesse Darkman" played by Crispin Glover

DeeDee's boyfriend who is head of a crime syndicate known for producing and selling weighted space cocaine.

Oh. Where do I begin with Crispin? Crispin, that day I met you at Sundance, the anxious look you gave me, the sweat lining the brim of your perfect hairline, the wool suit you were wearing that looked like it was stolen from a cadaver... that memory has never left me. Never.

"Scrappy McGaggle" played by Harpo Marx

The half-dog, half-man butler of the Steinbergs. He is secretly in love with Janice and is plotting to rid of Mervin.

Harpo Marx would be 122 this year. He was the reason why I wanted to move to Hollywood. After reading Harpo's autobiography, I was determined to make his story. Why I thought everyone shared the same love for a silent comedian from the turn of the century is beyond me. A wonderful friend introduced me to Harpo's son, Bill, and to this day, I still can't believe it. It was like talking to the bouncer of God's doorway.

Ok, now I need a plot.

Any suggestions?

Rick Moranis in the New GHOSTBUSTERS?!

I want to declare my love for Rick Moranis.

RICK MORANIS, I LOVE YOU!

Phew, now that that is out of the way...

I was pretty excited when news surfaced a few days ago that Rick is on board for the new GHOSTBUSTERS movie (yes, they're doing a new GHOSTBUSTERS with the original cast supposedly on board). This would be Rick's first live action feature since 1997 (and for all you idiots out there who are always like, "Haha, whatever happened to that guy?...by the way, I'm a douchebag.", why don't you take a second to read his bio and learn that his wife passed away and he opted to focus on his family. Feel like an ass now? HUH?)

Rick has been one of my all-time faves since I was four years old and watched GHOSTBUSTERS every day for three months straight much to my parents chagrin. I would quote the same lines of dialogue over and over, though I absolutely had no idea what they were talking about ("Mom, what does Dana mean when she says to Peter, "I want you inside of me?") 

Though my four-year-old little heart belonged to Dr. Egon Spengler (I have a thing for fictional scientists...Doc Brown, I'm still waiting for your call...), I knew that Louis Tully was somebody special. As I got older, I ended up falling in love with almost every Rick Moranis movie I saw (yes, even MY BLUE HEAVEN!)

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, STRANGE BREW, SPACEBALLS, CLUB PARADISE...Rick always played some wonderful character that struck a chord. Thanks for making my childhood, AWESOME!

Below is a list of my top ten favorite Rick performances. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! 

(P.S. Rick also recently released a country/western album entitled "The Agoraphobic Cowboy", which you can purchase on his site at www.rickmoranis.com)

-SCTV ('80-'82)- Rick Moranis does the BEST Woody Allen I've ever seen. Since I can't find a video of Rick doing Woody, here is some McKenzie Brothers for ya, eh.

-STRANGE BREW ('83)- The Bob and Doug McKenzie movie! Beer, world domination, Max von Sydow. How much better can you get than that?

-GHOSBUSTERS ('84)- "Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you! "



-CLUB PARADISE ('86)- so few people know about this movie, but yet it's fantastic! A lot of the SCTV cast were in it, including Eugene Levy. Eugene and Rick play the slimy, gold bejeweled Barry and Barry on the prowl of women and weed in the Caribbean.



-LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS ('86)- That voice! That hair! Those khakis! 



-SPACEBALLS ('87)- "I bet she gives great helmet."



-GHOSTBUSTERS II ('89)-: "Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you."



-HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS ('89)- not my absolute favorite... but it can't be denied. Here is a long ass scene from the beginning of the movie (it's not easy finding HISTK clips on Youtube)

-PARENTHOOD ('89)- again, not a fave fave, but Rick and Steven Martin were pretty funny it. Another difficult clip to find. It's either the trailer or the popular-when-I-was-in-second-grade clip, "The diarrhea song". Here is the trailer.

-MY BLUE HEAVEN ('90)- silly movie where Rick plays the straight man and Steven Martin plays a dark-haired Italian?




And in honor of the man, I found this wonderfully creepy video of someone who loves Rick more than me. Enjoy!