L.A. Film Festival tickets go on sale today

Just in case you were interested in going to the most underwhelming film festival of the world (strangely located in the film capital of the world)...
The L.A. Film Festival tickets go on sale today.
Looks like it kicks off with the big premiere of THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (God, that book SUCKED!) The festival is mostly old films we've seen a million times and can pay ten dollars to see again though we may already own the DVD.

Weekend Getaway No. 1- Skid Row, Los Angeles

So I found out this really cool thing you can do for a weekend here in L.A.
You can stay in a dorm in Skid Row and hang out with the homeless.
Now, I may sound like I'm joking or making fun of, but I'm not.
It's a real thing and I think it's pretty cool.
I think it's religion based, but you won't see me preaching to anyone.
I'll probably be knocking back a bottle in a brown bag and singing children's nursery rhymes right along with 'em.
So come join me one of these weekends...

Union Rescue Mission
Urban Xperience

Eat Stallone

I have walked past numerous times at the car wash, a dusty can of pudding with Sylvester Stallone's face on it. Finally one day, I gave in and had to buy it. Now I still haven't eaten it, you see. The can is dented and dirty but the novelty of the item was enticing enough. The pudding is officially called "Sylvester Stallone's High Protein Pudding". The flavor I purchased is Lemon Cream. It also comes in the flavors chocolate, sweat, and blood.
On the back of the can I noticed a website. I guess Sly is peddling a whole brand of this shit.
You can look just like him in 50 years- creepy, veiny, and perpetually tan! (and short)

5 cool things to do in L.A.

My never ending quest to try and find new and exciting things to do in Los Angeles has just produced some more options...
Here are five cool things to do in L.A. during the summer.

1.) Sherman Oaks Castle Park @ 4989 Sepulveda Blvd. (if you're cruisin' down Ventura coming from Hollywood, take a right at the Galleria and it's just a few blocks down Sepulveda).
This place rocks.
We were driving along and all of a sudden saw a magic glowing castle in the distance. This must be the place, we thought, and pulled into the magic glowing parking lot. We walked up the draw bridge and entered the blinding fluorescent arcade and watched the 12 year-old punks and new generation valley girls suck on Churros and play air hockey. After getting bored with that we decided to get down to business and play a mean game of mini-golf. The course looked like Disneyland. With lakes and pirate boats and haunted houses and rabbits frolicking the course we got easily distracted and made a hour long game into about 3 hours before we passed out at hole no. 17. Check it out. It's cheap, fun, and great if everyone around you is drunk.

2.) Hollywood Forever Cemetary screenings (bi-weekly in the summer, 6000 Santa Monica Blvd.)
Ok, I can't find a schedule for the screenings for the life of me....but trust me it's cool. Even if you show up and there isn't a screening going on, it's still worth wandering around. Check out that prime real estate up above ;) Seriously, I saw headstones that looked like you could throw a mattress on them and take a nap.
On a section of the cemetary bare of headstones, people sat on blankets, toked up, and watched the classic movie of the week being projected on a giant mausoleum. I felt like I was at Coachella again. It was a blast. The movie played last Saturday was THE BIRDS and though the movie SUCKS ASS it was pretty cool having the sound of birds fly by your head late at night in a cemetary. Sound system is good, un-Godly long line for the bathroom. Parking can be a hassle so get there early or late and leave early.
This Saturday (5/20) at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary they are screening Edgar Ulmer's film DETOUR. 7PM, $10.

3.) Venice beach
I used to go here every Sunday . It was my little Garden of Eden.
I was jogging down the boardwalk once and was stopped by a man who told me I had a pain in my back. I shrugged and smiled. He told me that I had depression in my kidneys which means I have depression in my head. However, it was nothing to worry about.
And he walked away.
I miss that.

...I'm getting tired of writing so for the next two I'm gonna wimp out...

4.) Driving through Mulholland at night never gets old.

5.) Hiking at Griffith Observatory

Mmmm...

The other night, I was graciously invited by Danny to go see Saved by the Parody- a "Saved by the Bell" play- in Sherman Oaks. Not being a very big "Saved by the Bell" fan as a child (nor Power Rangers, however, I did dig most of the Nickelodeon shows) I was only a little interested. With his industry player suaveness (that he seems to have learned so much faster than the rest of us), Danny coaxed me into going. It was a good decision.
I don't know the details of the show, but if you're interested, ask me, and I'll track em' down.

Hey! He's pretty good!

check out this blurry dude here...he kind of sounds like springsteen and dylan. however, his name is michael mazochi.
he's a music machine too.
a damn good one!
it appears that he is playing in LA...just for my birthday too. cat club june 12th. be there or be square.
check out his myspace profile www.myspace.com/michaelmazochi

now...this other dude is not so bad either. he and i go way back...and it all started with taking over the world one M & M at a time... www.myspace.com/mikehmiller
i'd put a picture of him up but i can't figure out how to do it...

Rolling Stone- 1,000 issues!

I don't read Rolling Stone nor do I really care that they reached 1,000 issues. However, we get the magazine for free in the office and yesterday I notcied that there was a hologram on the front cover so I was drawn to it like a 4 year-old.

The best stuff in the issue is the Wendy's advertisement telling you to go to RollingStone.com and put yourself on the front cover and a picture of James Taylor from 1971 reminding us that at one time he was a handsome guy.

(the creepy thing about the picture above as I would be just as happy looking like bowie as f***ing someone who looked like bowie...what does that mean?)

Afternoon musings- Tuesday May 3rd

-I was driving down Beverly today and saw Tom Hanks face sprawled against a 20+ story plus building. As I stared deeply into THE DA VINCI CODE poster I realized that Tom is going the way of Travolta.
You know what I'm talking about... the pancake face, the prosthetic hair, the dark clothing, the slightly dazed look on their faces. Soon we'll hear Tom is a Scientologist as well.

-Only old people are out during the day and they all go to the grocery store.

-I finally stopped dancing for my body is too sore to move anymore.

Morning musings- Tuesday May 3rd

-Coming from Los Feliz this morning, I became stuck in some heavy traffic near the Foutain/La Cienega area. Come to find out, it wasn't an accident, but cops were checking into a suspicious propane tank on the street. Every cop from the LAPD was there- including helipcopters! I was very excited because I thought there was a chance that I might blow up today and there is possibily no better way to go. I guess they combusted the tank with a water compressor, Ian said, and everyone went on their merry ways. Damn it.

-Reading the trades today, I came across a review for MI:3 and laughed my ass off for 5 minutes when I read the reviewer's note that, "The high-octane juice audiences crave in big-budget action films surges propulsively through "Mission: Impossible III," in large measure due to Tom Cruise, who seems determined to give a persuasive human impersonation of a Ferrari."

-Also, I have danced for almost 24 hours straight to the Bloc Party song below (in addition to the songs "Over and Over (Lost and Found)" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, "Shine a Light" by Wolf Parade, "Speaking in Tongues" by Eagles of Death Metal, and "Do You Want To" by Franz Ferdinand) and I'm getting scared that I will be unable to stop. I have a stiff neck and people point and stare at me while I seemingly hump the steering wheel of my car as I groove out to the songs. Last night I put it on a BOSE stereo system (that I do not own) and nearly flung myself through the window by accident.

Daydream of the day will be- West Hollywood bare except for me bopping to my Coachella mixed CD down La Cienega with my pink aviator shades and a Ferrari with Tom Cruise's big-ass toothy grin morphed into the hood of the car speeding at 150 mph towards the propane tank...

oh yeah, and gas is almost $4.

Pics from Coachella.

@ the depeche mode concert

@ eagles of death metal concert, i think?


everyone clearing out after the zutons concert

kanye west...ugh, gag me with a spoon. is that
even how you spell his name? i don't give a shit...

the best view i had of the clap your hands say yeah concert

i have to admit that franz ferdinand put on a good show

on the 10 going east


You know, looking back, it was kind of cool.

What is a malapropism?

From Wikipedia (you'd think they are paying me for all the advertising I do for them) -
A malapropism (from French mal à propos, "ill to purpose") is an incorrect usage of a word by substituting a similar-sounding word with different meaning, usually with comic effect. The term comes from the name of Mrs. Malaprop, a character in Richard Brinsley Sheridan's comedy, The Rivals (1775), whose name was in turn derived from the existing English word malapropos, meaning "inappropriately".

Examples-

• "He's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Mississippi." (i.e., alligator)
• "He is the very pineapple of politeness." (i.e., pinnacle)
• "He missed that field goal by a microcosm." (i.e., micrometre)
• "I've gotta consecrate myself on this newspaper." (i.e., concentrate). (All in the Family) (*Note the non-standard use of the reflexive, indicating the Yiddish-German influence on New York City speech.)
• "If I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!" (i.e., apprehend; vernacular; arrangement; epithets)
• "Then he laid prostate on the ground." (i.e., prostrate)
• "I resemble that remark!" (i.e., resent)

The funny thing is I read up on this word awhile ago when I was bored. Months later I was in Starbucks and the people behind the counter are like, "Would you have any idea what the word is for when you use use a word for something but it's incorrect but it's similar to the word you are looking for?" My face lit up and I said, "Well, actually I do..." and gave them a whole history of the word and they looked at me like I was a freak.

Coachella: It's nuts

So I ended up going...

Highlights:
-6 hour round trip
-2 hours standing line in 100 degree weather
-Stinky bathrooms
-$20 food
-100,000 people

It was awesome!

Picture above is either The Walkmen, The Zutons, Eagles of Death Metal, or I don't know what.
It all became a blur.