Tonya Harding's Jeans Are the Best Aphrodisiac

I discovered via one of my favorite websites, Buzzfeed, that ex figure-skater/Queen of the Mom Jean Tonya Harding has a website.

It's just not any ol' website.

Ms. Harding shares with us beautiful photos center-piecing full denim ensembles, passive-agressive comments like, "Tonya Harding is an intelligent, caring and very sensitive person. Even though she will deny it to some of her friends, ugly remarks hurt her feelings", and erotic fan fiction.

Yep.

Just when *you thought you didn't have an outlet for your fantasies involving circa 1990 sequined leotards and crimped hair, you find out about Tonya Harding Fantasies.
*You=I.

Tonya Harding Fantasies isn't new. In fact, there are over 1587 stories from various shut-ins, illiterates, sexually frustrated middle-aged shoe salesman, and 26 year-old female bloggers from Austin.

Here are some snippets of my favorite Tonya Harding fanstasies....

-I've often fantasized about taking her to a recently erupted volcano, because I know she has to be sick of the cold. We could lay on top of cooled magma rocks and just make out until were on fire.

-I was super lucky finding Tonya walking outside at 4am in the morning...I picked her up, she knew me through a friend. However, she had this little problem...she started to smoke crack and didn't want anyone to know.

-Iwould like to take tonya to the nasa space camp, use the anti Gravity room to give her the most unforgettable night of her life .

Here is one of my Tonya Harding fantasies that I've been working on for awhile:

Tonya,
Ur high waisted stone washed jeans r so sexy. I just want to put them on and pretend that I am Kelly Kapowski. I will figure skate around in ur jeans and the judges will give me 99.99 for the most awesome camel toe they have ever seen. When I'm done skating, I will fall into a bed of scrunchies and make sweet love to a man w/ a mustache. Please don't join us. My Tonya Harding fantasy has nothing to do with u. In fact, I don't even want u watching. Just give me the jeans, scrunchies, and Jeff Gillooly. U just keep standing next to that tree.

Luv,

Lauren