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Hipstercrite: Hipster Gift Guide Pt. 2

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Hipster Gift Guide Pt. 2

Today, we have even more goodies for you to bestow the lovable scenester/trendster/geekster in your life.

Are you having trouble finding a gift for your NYU Film School dropout girlfriend who is unemployed and spends more time sewing that having sex with you? Well, we have just the thing for her! What about your homeless bike mechanic named Steel? Or your attention deficit friend that has a tattoo of a unicorn jumping over the Milky Way? We have gifts for them too!

Take a look....

1.) Ever get that urge to break into a rap about masturbation? I know I do. And so does Crispin Glover. Why not give Glover's Big Problem Does Not Equal the Solution. The Solution = Let it Be to that special auto-manipulator in your life? Or for $30, you can surprise him/her with signed copies of his books "Rat Catching", "Oak Mot", or "Concrete Inspection".



2.) The most pretentious gift on this list is this stupid ass USB drive in the shape of horn-rimmed glasses.
You can't even wear them.
This is a good gift to remind that that extra special hipster in your life how ridiculous they are.


3.) Start the day by listening to David Lynch give the weather report for a city you don't live in all the while sipping his richly brewed coffee. Part of the proceeds go to his film scholarship (which sadly has nothing to do with his transcendental meditation foundation).


4.) Amy Sedaris' hostessing/crafting/cooking for a lumberjack and the elderly book, "I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence" is a must for any DIY hipster/friend with an imaginary boyfriend in your life.



5.) Though I was hoping she'd have something interesting on her website, something along the lines of the female equivalent of Vincent Gallo selling his sperm, the best I came up with is Miranda July's book, "No One Belongs Here More than You". Don't read it before giving it to your hipster friend. It will just make you angry and want to de-friend all the hipsters in your life.

6.) Here are your friggin' space and moon t-shirts.

These ones have cats!


7.) Since Lord Hipster discontinued their mustache ski mask, you can get a delightful one here.


8.) For the self-proclaimed culture jammer/freegan in your life, get them the holiday classic, "What Would Jesus Buy".
OR
It is an excellent way to tell your over-consuming friends that they are assholes and should feel bad.

The Shopocalypse is upon us!



9.) When you want your honey to look like Aristotle Onassis in the bedroom- The Aristocrat

10.) Zappa, Paul Reubens, and David Byrne dug it, so why not ordain your friend a minister of the Church of the Subgenius?
Bob wants you to.





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10 Comments:

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Jill said...

Um...dried cum? Did I miss something? lol

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger Hannah Miet said...

I actually have made several recipes from her cookbook and they came out stellar. Though I'm really in it for the photos.

You can add this to your list: http://www.thelmagazine.com/TheMeasure/archives/2009/12/11/your-wall-calendar-for-2010-sex-confident-mustaches

Also, I think we should swap novels we think each other would like. Will you be my blog-book-non-secret santa?

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger WILDasaMINK said...

That USB port is ridiculous! You never fail to entertain me with your findings and musings....keep it up, I always enjoy a good laugh.
And that's why I left an award for you on my blog.

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger Hannah Miet said...

P.s. I cannot stand Miranda July or any of her 20-something spawn who have been publishing these days. Kind of makes me want to strangle myself with a glasses shaped usb.

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger withthejoneses said...

That guy at work was so ashamed that he had those hipster glasses he wouldn't even acknowledge you talking to him.

 
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At 9:32 PM, Blogger mizuki_no_beatdown said...

I'm hung up on the Walt Disney font they chose for 'What Would Jesus Buy'

 
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