Hipster Valentine's Gift Guide Pt. 1

It's that dreaded time of year.

That time where you have to buy your special lady or gentlemen friend a gift that says, "Hey, I guess I kind of like you." Or, "I'm completely broke right now, but hey thanks for letting me have sex with you, the best I can give you is your special edition record of "Power, Corruption & Lies" back."

If you're not sure what to get your non-prescription bespectacled lover, then look no further. I have just the thing for you!

1.) Nothing says "I love you" to your lady (or that "I'm secretly in love with mustached men and this is how I'm trying to tell you") more than a Tom Selleck pillow.

Make sure to check out their Chuck Norris and Burt Reynolds pillows as well.

Made in Austin! (of course! where else would you find something soooo ironic?)

(thanks @adleyh)

2.) If you don't know how to tell your baby that you want to bone him/her, then let the Michael McDonald Ultimate Collection do the talking. He knows how.

I can't even count how many times I've boned to McD!

(That's because it's never happened.) :(

(Thank you, Marcos, for recently using the word "boning" and inspiring the usage of that word in this post).

3.) Don't forget to thank your gay boyfriend with Patti Smith's autobiography about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe, "Just Kids". Who needs a hetereo boyfriend? Who? WHO NEEDS ONE?

4.) Need to tell your honey that you want to write a thinly disguised novel about how crazy she is? Then pick up a copy of F. Scott Fitzgerald's love letters to his wife, Zelda Sayre, "Dear Scott, Dearest Zelda".

5.) You can't forget about the Brandon Bird "Law & Order: SVU" Valentines' Day cards now, can you?

6.) If you're finding yourself all alone this Valentine's Day, then why not treat yourself to the Taschen published "The Big Penis Book"?

And I mean treat yourself.