The Kids in the Hall vs. The State

The 90's was not my favorite decade for personal reasons (nose seemingly disproportionate to the rest of my face, catepillar eyebrows, discovering my sexuality through Elton John circa 1972), HOWEVER, it was my favorite decade for sketch comedy.

Only two troupes stand out in my mind as rulers of 90's sketch- CBC's The Kids in the Hall and MTV's The State.

If you don't know who either are, you're a fucking loser.

There, I said it.

Somebody had to.

My roommate brought home the newly released The State DVD boxset tonight and I got myself reaquinted with the show. I watched The State when it was still on MTV, way before I ever discovered what The Kids in the Hall was.

I must have thought I was a pretty fucking awesome twelve year-old.

When I saw The Kids in the Hall "Brain Candy" a few years later, I was at first appalled, then turned on. Wild intrigue manifested into manical obsession and I lost a great deal of friends during this time due to my forcing them to reenact "Buddy Cole" skits every time they came over.

"Hey, Lauren, wanna go swim in the pool?"

"NO! Here, put this smoking jacket on and purse your lips. Now emphasize your S's! DO IT!"

Every day my VCR was programmed to record KitH reruns airing on Comedy Central from 2PM-3PM EST. I'd race off the school bus just in time to heat up a ham and cheese hot pocket, catch the last fifteen minutes of the second episode, then rewind and sit for one hour in pure bliss. I'm obviously a bigger fan of The Kids in the Hall, but as I watched the second season of The State tonight I attempted objectivity and wondered which really was the better troupe? The State- the eleven person NYU crew, representing the 90's MTV generation with sardonism and tongue-in-cheek wit? Or The Kids in the Hall- the five, loveable, slighty perverted nerds from Canada, representing the generation of....slightly perverted Canadian nerds?

Here is my scorecard:

1.) It's a Man's World- there were no women in The Kids in the Hall and only one woman in the 11 person State crew.

-The State gets a +1 for only being mildy scared of women.

2.) Toronto vs. NYC- KitH was a Toronto-based troupe full of college dropouts and good ol' Canadian boys through and through. The State was full of recently graduated NYU students. Both cities have their charm but the Brooklyn thing is overdone, even if the The State was there before it was super cool.

-Kids in the Hall gets a +1 because a.) they lived in the nicer and cleaner NYC b.) they lived in f'ing cold ass weather.

3.) Crush Worthy- even when I was a little girl, I had a thing for Thomas Lennon. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's his thin lips or 1940's part. That crush only heightened when Reno 911! came out and he donned the best pair of short shorts my generation has ever seen. He still remains one of the few actors I found myself speechless around when I encountered him on the studio lot we both worked at.

With his baby blue eyes and gapped tooth grin, I quickly fell in love with Dave Foley for his perfect mix of masculine and feminie qualities (who are we kidding...that guy is a chick!) However, time has not been good to Mr. Foley, and he has recently become the poster child for Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.

-The State gets a +1 for aging more gracefully.

4.) The Gay Truth- The Kids in the Hall had one openly gay member, Scott Thompson, and boy, was he the most amazingly gay man ever. Remember Buddy Cole? If anyone was gay in The State, we did not know about it..

-Kids in the Hall gets a +1 for having an openly gay member and not being afraid to talk about it.

*Editors note- I've been corrected. I forgot about The State's Kevin Allison and their famous, "The Jew, The Italian, and the Redhead Gay" skit. Im still giving this category to KitH though

5.) Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder- There is no competition here. Nobody looked as good in dresses as the Kids in the Hall. NOBODY!

They made my burgeoning sexuality all the more confusing.

-Kids in the Hall +1 for being some hot mo-fo's.

6.) Success!- All the members or KitH and The State have gone onto other things- comedic and serious acting, directing, writing, more sketch comedy, music, etc. Though The Kids have had some successful moments since KitH ended- Foley on Newsradio, McCulloch's "directing" career, and McKinney's brief stint on SNL- the members of The State have had a far more interesting journey.

Where to begin? Remember Viva Variety? Reno 911!? "Wet Hot American Summer"? Lennon and Garant have gone onto a successful ("successful" being relative) writing career as well- "Night at the Museum", "The Pacifier", "Let's Go to Prison", and "Herbie: Fully Reloaded".

-The State gets a +1 for having a larger, more consistenly cooler body of work.

7.) Unforgettable Characters- how many funny, unforgettable reoccuring character can you remember from The Kids in the Hall? Headcrusher, Cabbage Head, The Chicken Lady, Gavin, Simon and Hecubus, Buddy Cole, Danny Husk, Jocelyn and Maudre, Cathy and Kathie...

Now how many can you remember from The State?

Barry & Levon and Doug.
-Kids in the Hall gets a +1 for having an imagination.

AND THE WINNER IS????
Kids in the Hall=4

The State=3

(Of course The Kids in the Hall would win....I will always be a KitH girl)

Top Eleven Kids in the Hall Skits

I used to pretend I was Buddy Cole. It seems fitting that I would pretend to be an extremely effeminate bar fly who loved wearing a velvet jackets and loafers with no socks at fifteen years old. 

When I wasn't Buddy, I was Kathy with "K". Or the Chicken Lady.

Sometimes I'd pretend to be Jocelyn the French-Canadian prostitute (I wanted to be as pretty as Dave Foley). Once I was Sir Simon Milligan AND Hecubus. Needless to say, as a teenager, I was obsessed with the Kids in the Hall. I forced all my friends to watch the show with me and reenact every episode. 

I'm sorry.

I've been lucky enough to see the guys live four times, including an intimate, four-night only gig in Hollywood last year. I've also met them a few times, but the only thing I can remember is when in 1998, my bumbling high school boyfriend said to Dave Foley, "That really sucks about Phil Hartman.". Dave stared at him, open-mouthed, then said, "Uh yeah, sure sucks that he was killed, huh?"

While I work on my epic post, "The Kids in the Hall vs. The State" here is a list of my favorite Kids in the Hall skits. What are yours?

1.) Sausages- ERASERHEAD much? Bruce is an expressionless young man working at a sausage factory. His life is consists of feeding his debilitated father, checking sausage weiners with a magnifying glass, and ignoring his mean boss. The only thing he has to look forward to? Daydreaming about the gigantic Eastern European looking woman who works on the assembly line. No image on KitH was more haunting than Scott as a drooling invalid, slamming his plate against the table, screaming in slow motion, "I want more sausages!"

2.) My Pen- This guy really wants his pen back, ok?

3.) The Beard- Kevin returns from vacation with a beard. The beard starts to go to his head, then seemingly gives him "super powers". When his wife jokingly tells him to shave the beard, he screams, "No! The beard stays! You go!" After taking off his shirt and ripping apart his chair at work, he feels suffocated by his new beard and flings himself off a balcony. When his wife comes to identify the body, the beard is gone! Rod Serling couldn't do any better.

4.) My Horrible Secret- another absurd black & white short by Bruce. This one is about a man and his toupee. It took me years to appreciate all the jerky struts, robotic hand movements, and weird lip licking of Mr. McCulloch. I had a conversation with him at Whole Foods in Los Angeles once.  He's pretty much like all his characters rolled into one. Why was I surprised?

5.) Bleeding Ear- a classic gag skit that involves profusive ear bleeding. "Wow! A talking cat!"

6.) Gavin and The Evangelists- Who doesn't love Gavin and his incredible observations about the world?  "I'll eat your Bible, but it will take me several days of munching and snacking."

7.) Chicken Lady Visits Her Old House- Chicken Lady takes a trip with the Bearded Lady to visit her childhood home. Or is it? I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry at this one.

8.) Daddy Drank- Daddy drank a lot. "Get a good night's rest, and remember, I can murder you while you sleep. It's easy, son. All you have to be is quiet and willing to do it. And son, I am willing to do it."

9.) Do-Re-Mi Song- an over-the-top dance sequence of the guys singing Do-Re-Mi in business suits. Sound stupid? It sure is. 

10.) Girl Drink Drunk- the Kids in the Hall were always good at absurd, sometimes depressing narrative skits. In this one, we watch a businessman spiral out of control amongst cocktail umbrellas and primary colored drinks.

11.) Weekend with Daddy- A depressed father, living in a dark room with a single light bulb swinging from the ceiling, has his kids for the weekend. Amongst the littered liquor bottles he teaches his children to say, "My mother is a whore", before driving to her house and beating her new boyfriend with a bat. Wow, this doesn't sound funny at all. Actually, this sounds like what happens every time I read the Los Angeles Times. Is it safe to say that the Kids had Daddy issues?