Good Dose of Douchebag in the Morning

Tonight is the premiere of TV Land's "The Cougar". 

I'm pretty sure you can figure out what this crapfest is all about.

A bunch of twenty-something douchebags fight for the affection of 40 year-old realtor/mother of four/douchebaggette, Stacey.  

Stacey recently tweeted proudly that "she's UrbanCougar of the month!!!" and has been quoted as saying that she finds men her age "boring". Stacey hopes to "shatter dating stereotypes" and "believes society has placed a double standard on woman who date younger men". Though I will always champion older women dating younger men, how does one think that starring in a cable reality show entitled, "The Cougar", will earn one any ounce of credibility?

Let's take a look at some of the men vying for Desperate's attention, shall we?

Jim, our loveable dudebro below, is 22 and "when he and his friends hit the town, it's "epic!". Jim doesn't have much experience with cougars, but "he's excited and open for adventure."

Awww....Jim.

You like every Jewish Long Island brat I ever met. OR, interchangeably, any Italian Orange County dude I ever walked by. The funny thing is, he's from a tiny town in Colorado. Must have had to drive out of town to find those Affliction shirts, huh Jim? 

Austin, 24, is a "self-described "yupster" and "splits his time as a snowboard instructor/writer." Austin swears he's never competed for a woman before, "because usually they're competing for him!"

Ok, this dude bothers me.

First of all, he's not fucking 24. He looks like he's 38. You know, the age when the boyish looks start to fade? Yeah, he's already losing that. His chin is the size of a watermelon. He looks like Ben Affleck on a bender.

And what's up with that outfit? A striped pull-over hoodie with a gold chain??? What are you going for, Austin, a Mr. T nautical theme?

Last but not least is Colt (really?). Colt says "he's not a romantic guy" and "he doesn't believe in buying flowers". Colt "loves cougars be cause he appreciates the experience they possess. The oldest woman he has ever dated was 61."

Well, he sounds like a real winner, huh ladies? He'll sleep with your grandma but he won't buy her flowers.

Ugh. I can't write anymore. I've had too much douchebag overload this morning. I don't think I can take anymore. 

Up next, douchebags versus hipsters...