The World Is A Better Place Because of Crispin Glover...Or Is It?

I think I'm going to come up with a new phrase.

It's called "Crispiny".

When a friend of yours is doing something really fucking weird, let's say, like, mowing their lawn in asymmetrical patterns at nighttime with no pants on, or eating candy that they found on a bus seat right after a lady of the night got up from said seat and tries to explain to you that they, "wanted to get a better idea of what street walkers feel and think", or standing on the street corner shouting The Carpenters lyrics very angry-like, you can say, "Dude, you're acting super Crispiny right now."

And what does "Crispiny" reference?

Well, I'm sure I don't have to explain considering there is only one cultural icon with the name Crispin.

Actually, it looks like there was a St. Crispin in the 3rd Century, but unless he ran around with a severe hair part and collected medical equipment, I think you know who I'm talking about.

Crispin Hellion Glover.

It's hard to imagine that Crispin Glover has been acting for for almost 30 years.
The man's face hasn't changed AT ALL within that time.

1985

2008

The fact that he has not aged (and directs Shakespearean interpretations performed by people with Down Syndrome, dresses like a Nazi at Halloween parties, and dates women with more plastic in their bodies than a recycling plant), only lends to his creepiness factor.

Just ask my friend, *Gene Snozberry (Not his real name):

Me: What are your thoughts on Crispin Glover, Gene?

Gene: We had an intern at work a little while back who SOUNDED just like him. He had that like super slow delivery? Almost like a chronic stutterer whom has reformed his speech JUST enough to keep from doubling back on his syllables, but not enough to speak fluidly with any confidence. It's just this creepy drawl that keeps you hanging on his every word while backing slowly toward the exit...I was sort of afraid to be alone with that intern. That's the thing about Crispin Glover, he IS alienation. Has he ever played a character that didn't beam out creepy outsider in every direction? God, I love when creepy weirdos are well represented in cinema. It gives girls a point of reference when they encounter one of us in the wild. And for that, I salute you, Crispin Glover. Plus...he kind of made it okay to smell women's hair when they're not looking.

And then we got into a discussion on whether or not Gene smells women's hair and he said "no" and I said I don't either, but I did have a boyfriend who would take my shoe off in the middle of dinner at a restaurant and smell it and we decided that was really freaking strange. "Crispiny", if I may.

So why is a man who makes one feel like they've put cockroaches on their anus loved by legions of females and subsequently males who feel better about themselves knowing that legions of females love a man like Crispin Glover?

I really don't have an answer for that other than that he's fucking weird and we must all be really perverted. Read my story about meeting Crispin here.

Oh, and he's actually a pretty good actor...AND I WILL ARGUE WITH ANYONE TO THE DEATH ON THIS.

What is your favorite Crispin Glover performance?

Yes, I saw Ben at the movie theater three times and I loved it.

I'm making my lunch!