Hipster Valentine's Day Gift Guide Pt. 2 (The Dirty Stuff)

Yesterday, I posted part one of my Hipster Valentine's Day Guide. It included a whole bunch of mustache.

Today's part is what to get your honey if you're a hipster and dirty.
And I don't mean, I'm-a-hipster-that-rides-my-bike-a lot-and-doesn't-shower-and-smells-like-a-Salvation-Army-depository dirty.

1.) Ok, this isn't dirty at all, but I had to include this necklace on the list because it's from "Annie Hall" and there is no greater love story than that of Alvy and Annie.
"Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?"

2.) Cooter perfume. Not perfume for your cooter. Perfume that smells like your cooter. I don't think anything I could write after this point will matter.

(thanks to the Sassy Curmudgeon for inspiration of "cooter")

3.) Wondering what to do with that Snuggie that you threatened your Mom not to buy you for Christmas but she did anyways? Get creative with the Snuggie Sutra.
My favorite is "The Manket"- "The man wears the Snuggie on his back and keeps his partner warm. Perfect for long winter nights, cold winter mornings and when your partner is sedated."


4.) Why does Sasha Grey have such a bubbly butt? More importantly... she's only 21!?
These assless pantyhose are 50% at American Apparel until Feb. 21st. Come buy them so I don't have to look at them anymore.



5.) Does your boyfriend like to watch reruns of "Sex in the City" with you and often say, "Hey honey, I think I would like to pork Carrie Bradshaw"? Then treat him with the Sarah Jessica Porkher blow-up doll.
Click here if you dare (not for the squeamish)....


6.) Has your girl been bugging you about getting a toupee for her cootch? If so, then I would cut her loose now. Or, if you're into that sort of thing, get her the strawberry merkin.