My Kidneys Bring All the Boys to the Yard

Like most young people, I never give my urinary tract much thought.

Actually, I could give a crap about it.

I'm glad I can still have that attitude because when I'm sixty-something and it starts failing me, I will greatly give a shit about it.

I will realize it's true importance only then when I'm sitting in a pool of my own piss confused as to how it got there.

My urinary tract has only come up in conversation twice and neither time by me.

Ok, that's probably a lie.

More specifically, my kidneys have been mentioned by two separate strangers claiming they were physic. Once when I was 11 years old and walking through downtown Cortland, NY, the other when I was 22 and jogging down Venice Beach boardwalk. Both went out of their way to gravely tell me that something was wrong with my kidneys. Both times I ran crying in the other direction.

You see, I've never had problems with my kidneys. I also don't necessarily believe in physics. I believe in being able to read people's auras et al, but am guessing (hoping?) that in both of my instances, they were seeing through to the person's aura behind me. However, I would be lying if I didn't say that both of my encounters left me slightly unhinged. Especially when your eleven years old.

How would you feel if you were minding your own awkward pre-adolscence business and some woman who did not look much unlike your dad's overweight brother that you hadn't seen in ten years said to you wide-eyed, "Your kidneys look bad. You should go have them checked out." I remember nodding and grinning like the dumb child that I was then booking it down the street. I flew right into my Grandmother's clothing store and said, "Grandma, that lady that sells headstones that looks like Uncle Lou, I think hate her." The second encounter didn't effect me as greatly because I was older and on Venice Beach Boardwalk. I'm lucky that that was the worse thing that happened to me that day! First time I went to Venice Beach I dug up a syringe in the sand, the last time I was there I was offered crack.

Currently my kidneys are in good health and happy as ever. I've received blood tests in the past and everything has come up normal. Sometimes I wonder where these two came up with the idea that my kidneys were cursed. Crazy psychics! Why don't you pick on someone....oh, be right back, really have to go the bathroom...