Best of '09 According to a Shut-In Pt. 1

This will be the most uninformed "Best of List" of 2009 that you've read.

What is Your Favorite of '09?

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Best Movie:

"Precious"

I don't think I've seen a single new movie this year.

Wow.

That's really an amazing feat, you know?

I think the only other person to do that was my Great Aunt Stella who sat/slept in the same reclining chair and watched "Matlock" every day until she died.

Well, we see where I'm headed.

However, one movie I've wanted to see all year was Precious. After frequently getting up in the middle of the trailer to curl up into a ball on the bathroom floor, I haven't been able to bring myself to see it.

What do you guys think of it?

Best Album:

"Up From Below" by Edward Sharpe and the Magentic Zeros.

Probably one of the most refreshing acts out there now. How can you not love a band that has like a gazillion members, old school instruments, travels around on a vintage bus, and has lyrics like, "Chocolate Candy Jesus Christ"?

CHOCOLATE CANDY JESUS CHRIST!

It's a Jesus.

Made out of chocolate!

Check out their song 'Home" below.

Sure, they may look slightly mentally challenged in the video but it's because they're really into, ok?

Best Song:

"While You Wait for the Others" Grizzly Bear featuring Michael Mcdonald.

Don't argue with me on this, ok? You got a fucking quality song PLUS the sweet sounds of Michael McDonald. It's like oldie meets indie in the best way possible (better than the Dirty Projects/David Byrne song, "Knotty Pine". David Byrne is my honey bunny, but that song blah).

Michael, make sure you give your agent a big X-mas gift this year for that nail.

Best TV Show:

"Glee" on FOX

I don't actively watch prime time television (unless I'm home on holiday and watch marathons of "The George Lopez Show" and "Two and a Half Men" with my mother-....oh, and I'll admit...I like them). However, "Glee" struck me because it reminded me of two of my favorite things on this planet- "Waiting for Guffman" and "Arrested Development". This is all based off of watching one episode so it could be a big whopping piece of poop for all I know.

Best Book:

"When You Are Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris

I don't read contemporary fiction, but David Sedaris came out with a book this year and that's all I need.

IT'S ALL I NEED!

Best Concert:

"Zappa Plays Zappa"

Always wanted to see a Frank Zappa show but never did?

No?

Oh, well, if you did, then seeing/hearing Dweezil Zappa is the closest thing. Not only is he an amazing guitarist in his own right, but he stays true to his Dad's orchestrations and surrounds himself with extraordinary musicians who understand his Dad's work. Close your eyes during a Dweezil Zappa show and you're listening to Frank.

Best Celebrity Sighting:

"Poodie"

I don't have any good stories this year. When I lived in L.A., I had great stories like feeling Jeff Goldblum's boner against my leg and standing next to Stevie Wonder in a sushi restaurant watching Malcolm Jamal Warner do slam poetry about Bill Cosby. Best I have this year is meeting Willie Nelson's manager named Poodie. And he died.

Best Fashion Trend:

Not the "Harem Pant"

I'm not sure what the best trend is this year, but I can certainly tell you what is NOT the best fashion trend. And that no good fashion trend is the Harem Pant.

No. Nope. Never.

Who the hell thought that looking like you took a dump in your pants was a good idea?

Which my mother snidely responded to on my Facebook status when I asked this- "Lauren, the harem pant has been around since the time of the harems, ok?"

Well, ok, Mom. Then the harems looked incontinent just like this chick does:

Best Dream:

"David Byrne with Snowflake Sweater"

The one I had involving David Byrne following me around a party with a glass of sherry and a cable knit sweater with a snowflake on it.

Best Crazy Person:

"Dinosaur on the Railroad Track"

The time I saw a dude having a tea party with a blow-up T-rex on the railroad tracks.