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Hipstercrite: Welcome To My Neighborhood

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Welcome To My Neighborhood

I work and live on the Eastside of Austin which means that I'm unique and hip... by default.
Anytime a young person moves to the east side of any city, their credibility suddenly goes up fourteen notches.

Or down.

Way down.

Eastside Austin is a culturally vibrant and enthusiastic part of our fair city. It's the only place where you can sit back and watch a police helicopter chase while enjoying a nice $1.50 taco of your choice. It's a place where warehouses are turned into art spaces, vacant lots are furnished with food trailers, and old dive bars are turned into new dive bars.

I myself work in said warehouse. My office was formerly a bus depot, then furniture store, now hipster art collective/squirrel habitat. Our building boasts a graffiti-esque sign of our name which is an exclaimed adjective followed by an exclaimed adverb. In front of the sign, is another sign posted by an anonymous local telling us to get lost.

At our office we enjoy watching prostitutes having sex with their johns outside our windows, high speed police chases that cumulate in our parking lot, and squirrels that randomly fall from the ceiling and hit the hard cement floor with a thud, run spastically in circles and then fling themselves against the window pane in a desperate bid to flee.

Just yesterday I was able to snap my first prostitute solicitation on my Iphone. The deal went down right behind my desk and I quietly hid and raised my phone above the windowsill to get the shot below. I heard the woman offer her services for ten dollars, then enthusiastically dance when the man said "yes". Hence the awkward position she, er, let's call her Linda, is standing in the picture. The two temporary love birds giddily drove off and no less than ten minutes later, I see a beaming Linda walking back down the street hocking a big loogie and wiping her hands.

When not at work, you can often find me at home, gardening with BBQ prongs in my bloomers, or riding my bike back and forth down the street for no apparent reason. Naked hippie children play within ten feet of where I am and ignore me. I too ignore them but secretly I'm sad that they act like I don't exist.
I live in a 1920's Sears catalog house. Which means in 1925, it cost what I pay in a month's rent to built.


Tomorrow I will be partaking in a photo exhibit at Super!Alright! @ 6PM. Come by and say hello. The fabulous Missions will be playing. You'll be able to meet the squirrels and I just may be in my bloomers. The naked hippie children will not be there, and even if they were, they wouldn't give a shit about you. Linda might make a guest appearance though.

23 Comments:

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Angie said...

Wish we lived nearby to come say hello! And meet the squirrels too!

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger KeLLy aNN said...

You really are living the life!
Kudos to you!

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger IT said...

"...hocking a big loogie and wiping her hands."

You have a way with words.

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger Longstreet said...

Aren't we all just in need of a Linda? Hmmmm, perhaps I should rethink that comment.

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger A.B. said...

I also witnessed some prostituting when I was at the ultra hip and "in the know" running store in E. Austin. I felt cultured and then went to the nice winebar down the street.

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger skinnydip said...

I want to come visit your neighborhood & eat $1.50 tacos!

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger I'm Jane said...

Linda is showing off a most-attractive and feminine stance. Do you suppose that maybe her legs just don't snap back together the way they used to?

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger eef said...

haha, sounds like a great neighborhood!

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Johana Hill said...

Your neighborhood is entertaining! LOL @Linda.

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Krystal said...

Interesting about that prostitute! You're a good writer. I just took a picture of a brothel on my iPhone last night in Zurich - I will post it just for you!

 
At 6:03 PM, Blogger Bridget Callahan said...

You should put some mattresses down for the squirrels. Maybe, like the ones they sell for American Girl dolls?

 
At 6:44 AM, Blogger Tara said...

hahahah!! that picture of the hooker has me cracking up!!

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger Ash said...

lmfao... the picture of the prostitute is just amazing.

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger Jessica said...

Please post more photos.

This post made me miss my hometown, which is apparently a long, lost cousin of Austin.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Ally said...

I've always wanted to visit Austin. Very cool. I lived in NYC for three years and miss the cool factor of different buildings and people watching. Your post jogged memories.

PS That house is freakin' awesome!

FourthGradeNothing.com

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger samsstuff said...

Wow! The East side of your city sounds very much like the East side of mine. I am truly living the dream...

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger Hey Dinosaur! said...

You made that place sound a lot like Portland. Are the summers in Austin hot as balls?

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger zachary said...

Ahhh..nothing like a sharp observation:)

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Marissa said...

haha I love your life, and I am quite jealous of it in fact. Thank You for sharing this blog & the picture :D

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger cjschlottman said...

Lauren, Every time you publish one of these delicious posts, I have an overwhelming desire to visit Austin. I'm small and I have a Boxer and a Lhasa Apso. We won't take up much room in your house, and I'll cook for you. What do you say?

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger TabithaVenasse said...

Your life and where you live sounds like the perfect setting for an incredibly awesome book.

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger The Naked Writer said...

You get to watch car chases while eating $1.50 Tacos? JOY! Where do I sign up? Sounds like my kind of night out cheap and full of entertainment!

I really enjoy reading your blog, it's quirky and funny ( I especially like the piece about mr. Blake.
I know you have like a million followers and are probably too busy to read other blogs but if you have some time maybe you would like to visit mine?
It's a wacky, funny blog that would make a 4 year old jealous cause of it's awesomeness...you know you wanna

http://www.thewritingwomb.com

thanks for making me laugh and for the support

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger Anastasia said...

well at least she has enthusiasm for her job,

 

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