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Hipstercrite: Twelve Ways To Boost Your Blog Traffic (Without Having to Get Naked)

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Twelve Ways To Boost Your Blog Traffic (Without Having to Get Naked)

You have nine followers, and one of them is your mother.
You wonder why the hell you're even blogging.
You speculate if anyone will ever read your words.
You ponder if life is worth living.

Well look no further!
Listed below are twelve sure-fire ways to drive traffic to your blog and instantly boost your self-worth.

1.) Join Blogging Network Sites- The best blog networking website is Twenty-Something Bloggers. Hands down. Joining 20sb opened up a whole new world for me. Before then, I had no idea how to discover other blogs. 20sb is a supportive and strong community of like-minded bloggers. I can't recommend it enough. Other blogging networks include Blog Lovin', Blog Her, BlogCatalog, and My Blog Log.

2.) Write Interesting Content- As much as want to go into great detail about your recent trip to the dentist or how you wrapped your Christmas gifts, refrain from it. Truthfully, nobody cares. Unless the dentist had a boner while performing your root canal or you lobbed off your finger while cutting wrapping paper for you gifts...then we might be interested. Humor is a guaranteed way to enter the hearts of millions. Take for example Hyperbole-and-a-Half. You could learn a lot from her.

3.) Write About A Trend Topic- I don't adhere to this rule at all, but it's definitely a way to create buzz on your blog. Commenting on the cultural importance of "Jersey Shore" or how Justin Bieber looks like he should be on the "L Word" is a good way to start a convo.


4.) Befriend Other Bloggers- The blogging community is a tight-knit one. I have met people that I'm convinced sat next to me at the Algonquin Roundtable in another life. These people have encouraged me to grow as a writer and have supported and advertised my work. I wouldn't be where I am today without them and I try to do the same for them. As The Beatles once said, "The love you take is equal to the love you make".

5.) Leave Comments- Bloggers love comments like Mickey Rourke loves ghastly printed button-ups. Our self-esteem begins to slowly hinge on how many comments are left on our blog a day. If you comment on our blog, we will love you forever and most likely return the favor.


6.) Brand Yourself- The general consensus on this seems to be "yucky", but I disagree. The more polished the blog is, the greater the chance a reader will take it more seriously, no? Having a "brand" shows the world that you are legit. Does it take away from the personal aspect of blogging? Sometimes. But this is where you have to get clever in how you brand yourself. Subliminal branding.

7.) Photos!- Photos are a win-win all 'round. Photos grab attention. Photos can often work in substitute of text (Tumblr?). Photos can inspire. I try to put a picture in every single one of my posts, even if it's not necessary.
Like a picture of my ass.


8.) Lists- We seem to really like lists. They're easy to read and typically very visual. Remember, the average internet reader's attention span is like 45 seconds (I made that up). It's kind of true though. Think of some of your favorite posts on Buzzfeed or EW.com. Short and sweet lists.

9.) Connect With Your Audience- One of the most talked ideas running through the marketing world these days is Lady Gaga's rise to fame due in part to her fan interaction and loyalty. DoDo like GaGa. Also, the blogs that appear to have the most comments are blogs where the writer shares a part of him/herself with the readers in the post, then interacts with them via the comment box. Personal is good, but don't forget rule #2.

10.) Self Promote, But Only 20% Of The Time- Nobody likes a showoff. However, who is going to know about your blog if you don't say anything? I know some very humble bloggers who haven't even told anyone that they have a blog! You have to walk a fine line here. Tweet or FB that you have a new post up, but don't send personal messages to strangers telling them to check out your blog. Nobody likes that. In fact, we'll purposely not go check out your blog.

11.) Believe That Your Traffic Will Go Up- I know it can get discouraging at times, but don't give up. People want to hear what you have to say. If you believe that your blog will be successful, it most likely will. Power of suggestion.

12.) Post a Picture of Your Ass

Keep me posted on your progress! I'm curious to hear.

Labels:

68 Comments:

At 9:38 AM, Blogger *uncorked said...

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure a picture of my ass would make me hemorrhage followers. Can I borrow yours?

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger Christine Macdonald said...

I've yet to see a "40 something Blogger" group... hmmm... maybe I should show my 20-something ass.

Great post. You're such a giver.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger stefanie said...

i see someone beat me to the comment about losing followers for posting my ass pic. maybe a tasteful cleavage pic? haha!

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger Nicole said...

Got number 12 covered. I will eagerly await the masses to my blog. I expect millions of hits. Next step, full-on nudity. Not really.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Apryl said...

I don't have pics of my ass....but I do have plenty of my bodacious Tata's....note to self.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Pizza Girl said...

Hehe, "trending topic" like, say, how to get more people to your blog. Next up: How to get 1000 Twitter Followers

Good advice though. I wish there was a good way to take a picture of my own ass with an iphone.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger IT said...

Can I post a picture of your ass?
If Mickey Rourke's prints are ghastly, what does that say about mine? Oh $#!+...
Oh, and I think I have been branded. I sat on something really hot and I'm afraid to look back there. Maybe I will post a picture of my ass.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger IT said...

BTW - you can't count.
You have more than nine followers and you really do have nice legs. Can I post a picture of them?

 
At 10:03 AM, Blogger Rondell said...

I find it helpful just to be yo'self on your blog entrees. That way people know your shit real and you gots some content they can trust. Y'all know what I be sayin'?

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger Heather Howell said...

You pretty much read my mind with this post...except I only have 8 followers. Not 9. Ha.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger Bored@Work said...

you are so wise.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Bloggy McBlogerton's said...

Read your blog for a while, think you are very witty! Love the post today, definitely helpful to one who may or may not have only 20 followers.. Thanks for the input.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger bard said...

You had me at "Algonquin Roundtable".

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger o-liviah said...

LOL! Great blog... Im just getting started so I went straight to 20SB. Thanks for the tip :)

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Adrienne Hadaway said...

So, I started off with the one that seemed the easiest and figured I would just go from there. Do you realize how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass? Very. I need someone else to do it I guess but I keep imagining how I'm going to explain to them what I'm doing and it never goes well in my head.

"I want people to join my website so, I'm posting a picture of my ass...no, it's not a porn site. It's a blog...no, not a porn blog, just a regular one...cuz this girl told me to...no, I don't get naked every time someone tells me to. You know what? Nevermind."

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Kayla said...

Thanks for the tips. I may post a picture of my ass just to see if it actually works..

 
At 12:37 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

I don't know if you've already done this or thought of it... but you should submit this post to one of those blog building sites like Pro Blogger as a guest post. You're much funnier than the people that usually post (with some exceptions, of course... you could be one)

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Julie, The Wife said...

1. Make a list.
2. Give my dentist a boner.
3. Poop like Lady Gaga.
4. Pics of Hipsterctite's ass.
5. Tell other bloggers I'm 20.

GOT IT! I AM ON TO STARDOM!!! Vegas, baby! I'm so money and I didn't even know it! Thank you, Hipstercrite!

(Actually, thank you, this was a great post!)

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Allison said...

Excellent list! I was thinking about this today...how to make people read it without shoving it down their throats.

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Baby Says Boutique said...

Haha "even if one of them is your mother"

 
At 1:12 PM, Blogger sandy said...

This was great, while also being a perfect example of the kind of stuff people can benefit from by reading blogs. I once read a post you wrote about how it took time to establish a readership - that's important, too. the insta- readership thing is a myth, although there are some bloggers who rise to "blog fame" quickly, the majority build layers of readers over a period of months or even years.

Solid post.

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Christina In Wonderland said...

All of this is great, solid advice, and I'm glad you posted this. Until a few months ago, I was like a lot of people, I wanted to blog wholeheartedly, but didn't feel like anyone was reading it. 20somethigbloggers helped so much and I've met a lot of great bloggers through it (yours included). So yay for how-to posts and yay for optimism!

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger Hipstercrite said...

@uncorked- my ass is deceiving. it's very pale and starting to fall.

@kiki- well, you look about 25, so i'd say join 20sb. seriously though, you should start a blogging community for 40sb. that would be awesome!

@stefanie & @apryl- cleavage is even better!

@nicole- hahahaha. i think you should follow stefanie's lead...

@pizza girl- you could do the classic shot in the bathroom mirror?

@IT- your comment made me laugh out loud.

@rondell- absolutely agree!

@heather- you'll have plenty more followers soon enough!

@bored at work- ha. glad you think so. thanks!

@bloggy- i'm a followered now!!!

@bard- as you me

@o-liviah- awesome! so cool! you're going to LOVE IT!

@adrienne- hahahaha....i think you should write a post about that...

@kayla- awesome!

@amanda- wow! thanks for the tip! i didn't even know what pro blogger was! thank you!!!

@julie- hahaha, that is a perfect list!

@allison- awesome. thanks!

@baby- god love moms

@sandy- thank you for that wonderful comment!

@christina- 20sb really did change everything for me. it's an amazing website. yay 20sb!

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger kisekae said...

haha love your ideas! and i agree, joining 20sb has definitely pumped up my blog popularity!

 
At 2:32 PM, Blogger r joy c said...

this is a fabulously helpful post - thank you! here i am following tip #5. :)

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger T!nK said...

I'm totally posting a picture of my ass. LoL :-P

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Well aint you sweet for sharing! no ass-posting to come (unless I can post someone else's and play it off as my own... hmmm...) but I will fo sho make use of the other tips! Thanks!

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Natali said...

True that,
True that,
True that.
Time to stop kissing up to fellow bloggers.

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger Laura Basson said...

this is great! I have been wondering how to get more blog traffic so this was extremely helpful! :)

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Mel said...

I only have 7 followers. Which makes it especially bad that my self esteem hinges on how many comments I get.

I mentioned you in my last post, btw. Is it shameless for me to link to it here? Yes. Do I care? No.

Mellearnsherlessons.blogspot.com

 
At 7:08 PM, Blogger Mel said...

I'm regretting that last post already.

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger Meghan said...

I had a follower (my bff) and then I lost her because she said she felt weird being the only one.... This is all fabulous advice :)

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger Magpie said...

hmm maybe (ok probably not)the reason I have no followers is because when you click on my name (comment above) it says I haven't given access, but I have blogger, I have!

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Mel said...

Well since commenting on this post, I've gone from 7 to 9 (count them, 9) followers. And I've yet to post a photo of my butt.

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger AURORA MEGAN said...

Love this post. I've never been one to freak out about blog traffic and followers and stuff, but I'm sure a few ass-photos and blog networks couldn't hurt, haha.

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger Seattle Kim D said...

Touche for the Justin Beiber comment!

 
At 9:27 PM, Blogger gkhill said...

So that was your ass in the ripped jeans!
I have the sad distinction of being well over 20 and over 40 by a bit I do have a tight white ass I believe I mentioned that before in regard to the contest blog. I have a white ass pic from when I was in my 20's!
20sb here I come.

Truly another fine post.

 
At 10:20 PM, Blogger Tocalabocina said...

I've got a follower. One. He's a friendly middle-aged man whom I've never met and whose profile photo is alarming. I have nothing but gratitude and adoration for the man.

I just put a big picture of potatoes and hands behind my blog title. I have a good feeling about this strategy.

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger Mel said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Mel said...

So it turns out photographing your own ass is harder than you'd think.

But I did the best I could.

Great post. Your blog is very awesome.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Sehrish said...

wooww nice post.., friends follow me and mu friends blog reall cool you can write a description about your blog there.
submit-web-tool.blogspot.com Get Free backlink Free Backlink!
SEO Consultant SEO Consultant!

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger Ruthie said...

I actually had to disallow posting comments on my blog because my mother was embarrassing the hell out of me.

 
At 6:23 PM, Blogger Johana Hill said...

You got some ass! ;p

Great suggestions...and thanks for sharing! ;p

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger Benny Paul said...

Nice work. If I ever came up with something this helpful, I'd be so, so tempted to hide it away and sell it as an e-book.

 
At 10:37 PM, Blogger Ray Cray said...

You're a lifesaver! Im a new follower of yours and you've given me inspiration! haha i only have two followers, one of which is my best friend. I have often wondered if i should just delete my account but i'll give it some time, follow your tricks, and see where that gets me! check out my blog if you have time!

Your friend,
Ray Cray

 
At 3:36 AM, Blogger Mr London Street said...

I'm off to find a perverted dentist and a 20 year old ass. Which is pretty much a standard Sunday for me.

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Ash said...

HAHAHAHA. Justin Bieber.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger @emllewellyn said...

Love you, love your blog, love this advice, let's be best friends call me every five minutes.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger @emllewellyn said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger Ellie said...

Dammit! Clearly the picture of my ass that's conspicuously missing is losing me love. I have a picture of someone else's ass among my followers.... true. I don't like it, but they must.

 
At 6:32 AM, Blogger Angie said...

All great pieces of advice! It's important to believe in yourself and know how to promote without being a total promo-whore. It's a fine line! LOL!

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger Wendybob said...

Thank you dear!! wonderful post.

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Lanie Ree said...

Sorry, I've been lurking for a while. But your point about leaving comments is so true- I live for them. And yet I rarely leave them. I am such a hypocrite.

Or, I was.

I am done lurking.

So thanks for pointing that one out. And I am gonna give the rest of your ideas a try.

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Fragrant Liar said...

I knew it. I've neglected to do the one thing that will get my blog more traffic. Show my ass! I'm totally going to do that now. And I will dedicate my ass shot to you.

Fella Austinite.

P.S. No SXSW for me. Way too crazy, but you're a youngster, so you can hang with it. ;-)

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger Susie Q said...

you could be describing my followers to a tee, no REALLY! thanks for the tips...

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger Paula said...

If I had a blog worthy ass, that's really all I'd ever say, and post. I'd call it asspics.

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Jess said...

Um THANK YOU for posting this! I have realized that if I am going to blog I should probably try to gain some followers and I really had no idea where to start. You rock.

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger steff said...

i don't have the words to describe how awesome this is. besides, awesome. and strangely poetic. thank you.

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger Melissa's Espresso Shot said...

Thanks for this post. It was exactly the information I needed. But I'd need a 30 something blogger community now.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger The Stepster said...

This is helpful. Thanks for sharing.
Also, I love your style. Love love.

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Christina said...

I was very excited recently logged on to see I had my very second follower... only to find I had somehow added myself! Proudly I can say I now have 6 followers, of which only 1 follower who I have gained through my talent and wit. Thank goodness for family and friends!

Now to find that picture of my ass...

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Thanks for the tips! Thanks to Sassy Curmudgeon for pointing me this way. Y'all rock.

 
At 9:38 AM, Blogger The Life Addict said...

I love ass shots...I think I might even like my ass more than I like my face. Is that wrong?

 
At 8:24 AM, Blogger Sassy Stylings said...

Thanks for the info! I just started blogging about six months ago and love it. Luckily, I've got a nice, firm yoga butt so it should make for a great picture :)

 
At 1:23 AM, Blogger Wynn Wygal said...

This was unbelievably helpful. Thank you so much!

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger Anodyne Press said...

What's really funny is not even my mother reads my blog. Any of my blogs. That's like having a negative number of followers, ja?

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Brittany said...

hahahahaha this was great!!

 
At 2:19 AM, Blogger whatsername said...

This had some good information. You are a blogging inspiration for me. i just recently made a blog and i was wondering if you had any tips for a beginning blogger like mislef. Any and all help would be appreciated. You're awesome. (B

 

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