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The Love of My Life Eats Peanut Brittle (ode to Crispin Glover)

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Love of My Life Eats Peanut Brittle (ode to Crispin Glover)


As a wee thing, I had a mad crush on Doc Brown.
I mean, it was BAD.
I used to write my name as "Mrs. Emmett Brown" anywhere I could.
I'm not sure why I had a crush on Doc Brown.
It wasn't Christopher Lloyd that I lusted after.
There was something about that wild white hair and manic eyes.
And that car!
Yep, Doc Brown could get my motor up to 1.21 gigawatts.

But as time went on and puberty set in, my feelings toward Doc changed and my interests started to fall to another.
Someone equally as brilliant and engaging.
However, this person had such a strong jaw line, a beautiful laugh, and amazing part in his hair- George McFly quickly won over my affections.
Why didn't I see it when I was younger!?
At night, while I lied in bed, how I longed to hear the words, "Lauren, you are my den-sity."

That crush leaked over into real life where I made it a life-long mission to see every Crispin Glover movie. I bought his record "The Big Problem Does Not Equal the Solution, The Solution Equals Let It Be" ("I hate you clown!"). I watched his independent movie, WHAT IS IT?, staring actors with Down Syndrome. I even sat through CHARLIE'S ANGELS 1 + 2.

Then came the day where the stars aligned and Crispin and I crossed paths. It was the Sundance Film Festival 2005. I was wandering around one of many silly industry parties when my boss shouted, "There goes your man!" I spun around to see a dark shadow filter into the crowd. WAS IT HIM?!
Without thinking, I followed the shadow to the back of the party. I tapped him on the shoulder and just stared. IT WAS HIM!
There was something Godly about him (or Ungodly- you take your pick). His face, his hair, his body, his demeanor hadn't changed since 1985. It was like he was pickled. I was staring at a beautiful artifact in a mortician's garb.
I said, "Mr Glover, may I take a picture with you?" He leaned in and whispered into my ear, "Yes, Lauren. I've been waiting for you. You are my DES-TINY."
Then we kissed.

Nah.
We didn't.
But check it- look how happy he is to see me!!

Ahh...Mrs. George McFly....

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