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Hipstercrite: I Like Lists! Except When They Suck Ass.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Like Lists! Except When They Suck Ass.

I peruse the Internet a lot and because of this I'm only able to enjoy rudimentary things like lists. 
I especially like self-help/how-to lists, the sort that give you tips on how to become a better blogger or lover or lover to your blogger (we need a lot of attention).
If there is anything that I've learned from self-help/how-to lists it's that the people who write them are not really qualified to tell you how to improve your life. Most of the time their advice is simple and ideas rehashed from other articles written by people who are also not qualified to tell you how to improve your life.
I spend most of my time trying to unlearn everything I've read from lists I enjoy reading on the Internet daily.

I constantly fall victim to thinking that these lists will hold some magic key words that will suddenly make me fearless, entrepreneurial, balanced and wealthy. I mean, don't we all? Don't lie. You know you love the lists. YOU LOOOOOVE THE LISTS!!! I figure I drift through life, utilizing only 25% of my brain's capacity just waiting for a list to open the doors of enlightenment. WRONG! Instead I start believing that twenty-something journalism interns know more than I do about the world and I become ill-informed about everything.

I've come across a lot of list misnomers that I would like to criticize on my blog right now:

1.) If You Don't Like Your Job Then Quit!
Duh! It's as simple as that! Didn't you know? My favorite lists to come across typically start with the sentence, "Tips to Quit your Day Job and Finally Make it On Your Own" or some bullshit like that.
I like this link at the Grindstone, titled, "Lies We Tell Ourselves to Stay In Jobs We Hate", where it states that when worried about money when quitting your job that you hate, that "(needing money) is a fact of life that is completely unavoidable. However, it doesn't mean you should sit on a job you hate just to get a paycheck. The world is full of different industries and career paths- and guess what? They all pay." Haha. They all pay. BUT DO THEY ALL FUCKING HIRE?! I love that this author thinks it's as simple as quitting your job and finding a new one that you're going to love so much more than the other. What if you hate that one to? And the one after? I also dig this link at Brazen Careerist titled "How Long Should You Really Stick With a Job You Hate?" that says, "a break (from your job) can actually help your career- especially if you use your time off to acquire new skills, recharge your batteries, gain perspective, volunteer or travel- all on your trust fund, er, I mean, all with Mommy and Daddy's money, oh wait, I mean, 'cause obviously most twenty-somethings can quit their job and gallivant the world because, duh, they don't have college loans and credit cards to pay!

2.) To Become a Better Blogger Go For a Walk
Now I'm pot calling the kettle black here because I believe that in one of my post's regarding how to become a better blogger, I state that taking a walk helps. Well, let me tell you something, it's bullshit. Walking around does not help you get that creative burst you're waiting for. Like what could possibly happen when you walk outside for five minutes? A squirrel takes a dump on your head and the runs over to tell it's buddies? You should be so lucky. The only good that stepping away from the computer does is prevent you from having a fat ass. This post over at Copyblogger titled "Get Off Your Computer and Become a Better Blogger" definitely has a point that sitting at your computer for hours upon hours kills any inspirational mojo, but they all make it sound so simple. Like that going outside and interacting with people will suddenly make for awesome content. But what if your life is boring? What if the people you meet are boring? What if reading these god forsaken self-help/how-to lists all the time has made you into a hermit who no longer knows how to talk to or relate to other human beings?! Is there a self-help/how-to list for reading self-help/how-to lists?! Huh? HUH?!

3.) To Get More Followers Write Great Content
This rule is typically #1 on "How to Get More Blog Followers" lists. LIKE WE DON'T KNOW THAT ALREADY! I was planning on writing absolute shit on my blog. This eHow beautifully states that I should "pick a topic that I already know a lot about" to discuss on my blog. Really? I was thinking of writing about Aerospace Farming Bioscience Technology. I'm pretty sure that is not even a thing, but just a bunch of words I strung together, but I think I'm going to write about it anyways! So I guess writing great content will automatically get me zillions and zillions of followers? Really, cause I'm pretty sure having a fashion blog where you write absolutely nothing and post pictures of yourself and things that you like is what gets you lots of followers. ZING! Where did that come from, Lauren?


At 7:47 AM, Anonymous Cathy Benavides said...

You crack me up!! Truer words were never spoken, especially about the blog following thing. I don't know how to get more followers - I'm pretty sure the only people reading my blog are my friends and my mom and my sisters....

At 7:48 AM, Blogger girluntitled said...

fashion blogs...they're gonna kill any chance of literacy.

At 7:58 AM, Blogger Hipstercrite said...

@Cathy- I really don't know the answer to getting more bloggers. I've found in my experiences it's a matter of luck. People share your link or a bigger publication shares your link. That's really the key. And I hope you know that I love your blog. I love fashion blogs with substance. Not the ones that chicks on LookBook start.

@GirlUntitled- Haha. Agreed. But you should check out Cathy's blog (above). It's not like typical fashion blogs. Her blog is the shiz-nitz!

At 8:02 AM, Blogger One Blonde Girl said...

I LOVE THE LISTS! Especially the ones with pictures, because sometimes I just can't stay focused long enough on the lists and need pretty things to look at. The internet has killed my attention span.

At 8:04 AM, Anonymous Simone said...

I'm a sucker for lists. I can't resist clicking on "how to be a better blogger" articles even though the content is almost always common sense stuff like "Write" or "Use Social Media" that I could have come up with myself. It's like reading tabloid magazines in the grocery store line up - I know they're going to suck and I'm not going to learn anything new but I can't help myself.

At 9:10 AM, Blogger Julia Yvette said...

Amen, sister!

Pretty sure good content isn't the key, but it is more amusing for us to write. And aren't we really just blogging to amuse ourselves? I mean my blog is blogging about clothing for overweight women & the clothing on a show that was too weird to gain a popular audience. If that's not a recipe for success I don't know what is.


P.S. Visit my blog

At 9:28 AM, Blogger nova said...

YES! I hate these bullshit lists. "Tell yourself something out loud in the mirror." "Get out of your comfort zone." "Write what you know."


At 11:01 AM, Blogger Courtney said...

I especially agree with the one about quitting your job. I feel like I see more and more bloggers writing about how they're going to quit their job and sell on Etsy full time, or open their own business (though their schooling/background is in zoology or something). I'm going to call bullshit. I'm all for following your dreams and whatnot, but if you still have student loans to pay off, plus rent or a mortgage, and you're addicted to Anthropologie, you might not want to quit your current job to follow your dream. Especially when you're likely to end up working twice as hard and making half as much (and that's if you're lucky).

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Big Mark 243 said...

Even though this was another one of those famous 'lists', when you write with humor, tongue firmly placed-in-cheek, it works...! Goes to show that you are a little more talented than the average intern... in fact, you are an excellent writer!

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Guise Faux said...

LOL'd at ironic strikethru. Cuz I heart meta. (I also lol'd that I can't use ironic strikethru in my comment.)

At 1:57 PM, Blogger Brooke Farmer said...

Taking a walk absolutely, every time, without fail helps me to write better. But no, not a five minute walk and not interacting with whoever happens to be in line with you at the Coffee Bean down the street. A long walk. A quiet, introspective walk alone.

Also, I am pretty sure that there is not a single article worth reading on eHow. Everything I have ever landed on there has been basic, common sense, no-help bullshit. Just sayin'.

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Mrs. Miller said...

i love this! it is so true, especially the quit your job bit. few places are hiring these days. i may not love my job, but it pays the bills and buys me beer to relax after a long day

At 7:23 AM, Anonymous Garnet said...

...aaand I love you.

At 4:39 AM, Blogger Anastasia said...

Oh I hate the just quit your job ones. Yeah that's nice that you can make money taking pictures of yourself in weird clothes, but I can't. I also have children, so I need insurance. Sometimes you have to work a job you hate. It sucks but it's true.

At 10:00 PM, Blogger YoungUrbanAmateur said...

I'm glad you called out Brazen Careerist. I used to read them all the time when I had a job that required me to sit at a computer and wait for shit all day. It took me longer than I'm comfortable admitting to realize that at least 50% of the advice on there can be summarized as "Already be rich or successful, then take this advice, which you probably don't need, because you're already rich or successful."


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