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Hipstercrite: Top 5 Sexy Boy Nerds

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Top 5 Sexy Boy Nerds

I always loved the nerds. Geeks. Squares. Hell, my grade school boyfriend was named Emerson R. Avery III. You know what he wanted to be when he grew up? An archaeologist. You know what he is now doing for a career? Archaeology.

When my eight year-old self wasn't daydreaming about Emerson digging in the desert Indiana Jones-style, I was lusting after Doc Brown, Egon Spengler, and Ian Malcolm. If you wore a lab coat or had thick glasses I wanted you. Badly.

Much hasn't changed since those days of awkwardly positioning Jeff Goldblum's action figure to straddle my pillow at night, except for discovering that I'm not alone in my sentiment for the intellectual/book-worm/only-have-had-sex-with-Dana-Scully-blow-up-doll type. In fact, since folks like and Justin Timberlake started rocking the nerd look, items like horn-rimmed glasses, cardigans, and bow-ties are considered the rage in men's fashion.

So in honor of the guys who have 20/40 vision and relate better to insects than human beings, here is my list of dudes I'd like to bone while wearing a Princess Leia if I have to.

1.) Jimmy Stewart- The King of all dweebies. With his long, lanky stature, nervous stutter, and leading man looks, Jimmy Stewart was the patriarch of sexy nerdiness. He could make you feel both uncomfortable in conversation and safe in his dominating 6'3" presence. He may not have acted confident in conversation but he was a former cheerleader, so I'm sure he knew how to yell.

Nerdiness fact
- Stewart liked painting model airplanes instead of talking with his children.

2.) Woody Allen- Quite possibly the text book definition of nerd who done good, Woody Allen not only boasts a career as a director/actor/writer that spans six decades, he also nailed some of the finest coochie this side of the world. Diane Keaton, Mia Farrow...well, that's about it. With the stature of a miniature horse and a mug like a perpetually surprised Jewish bull terrier, Allen truly should win an award for making relatively normal and good-looking people aspire to be as neurotic and unfortunate-looking as he.

fact- Allen liked playing jazz clarinet over talking with his children.

3.) Jeff Goldlbum- Goldblum pretty much plays an awkward weirdo in every film he's in because he's an awkward weirdo in real life. However, I'm not sure if it's roaming hands, Mediterranean skin, or Jewish nose, but this guy just oozes charisma. Goldblum is like a fine wine. He has been acting since 1974, but just keeps getting better looking and more horny with age. Goldblum will let you feel his boner when he hugs you.

Nerdiness fact
- Goldblum really loves playing jazz piano in lieu of having children.

4.) Rick Moranis- Ok, there really isn't anything sexy about Rick Moranis, but something about his diversity in films roles and baby cheeks just makes him adorable. Who doesn't love a guy that can go from playing a Canadian redneck alcoholic to demonized New Yorker accountant to romantic lead in a musical to non-threatening villain all in the span of ten years? At only 5'4", Moranis is the sort of guy you want to keep in your pocket and have him sing songs about suddenly standing beside you.

Nerdiness fact
- Moranis released a country album called The Agoraphobic Cowboy in 2006.

5.) David Byrne- Asperger's, singing about intimate objects, wearing clothes that don't fit, and weighing as much as a a prepubescent girl are all factors that make David Byrne one the greatest specimens of sexy nerdy. Byrne's favorite past-times include photographing furniture, getting drunk and falling off his bike, and making turkey Jell-o molds.

Nerdiness fact- Where do I begin? After the birth of his daughter, Byrne kept the placenta in a jar in the fridge. I'm not sure if that is nerdy or just gross.

Who is your favorite sexy nerd?


At 9:03 AM, Blogger Melanie's Randomness said...

hehe Nerds Rule! My fav is definitely Rick Moranis! I thought he was so cute going around NY looking for the Gate Keeper! =)

Melanie's Randomness

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Nicole said...

What about Micheal Cera? I think I'm only person who still finds Michael Cera endearing.

And Rivers Cuomo from Weezer. He's such a cute little nerd.

At 9:17 AM, Blogger Hipstercrite said...

@Melanie- YES! With those demonic eyes! I love the scene when he's talking to Spengler and Janine in the GB HQ about the giant slor!

@Nicole- I was going to include both, but didn't have time. Maybe next list!!!

At 9:20 AM, Blogger JP said...

really? Why all guys? Girls can be nerds too... and with that in mind I present Danica McKellar...

She has an Erdős number of 4 and a Bacon number of 2 giving her a combined Erdős-Bacon number of 6. Only 11 people in the world have a lower Erdős-Bacon number.

At 9:24 AM, Blogger -Your Friendly Neighborhood Dentonista said...

This could only be funnier if you'd written " IMAGINARY grade school boyfriend was named Emerson R. Avery III."

At 9:27 AM, Blogger Hipstercrite said...

@JP- Excellent point, but I'm talking about dudes that I drool over. I've changed the name of the post to "boy nerds". Maybe I can do sexy girl nerd post next! Lord knows there are a lot!

@Dentista- Hahaha....Emerson was very really, but all the others were not. ;)

At 9:56 AM, Blogger theTsaritsa said...

I love one through four on your list all very much. Jimmy Stewart is so darling, I loved him ever since I first saw Rear Window when I was nine. He's oh so sexy with his flash bulbs and broken leg.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger Aldrine said...

Do you think Mark Zuckerberg falls into that category?

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Chris said...

I'm a sucker for Jesse Eisenberg myself.

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Jenny Alva said...

Solid Goldblum!

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Teenysparkles said...

Everything you just said about Goldblum - made me feel like I finally belong. HaHA! (tis sad but true, since The Big Chill)

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Benny said...

1) Congrats on showing up 4th when you do a search for "David Byrne Asperger's"

2) So true about Jimmy Stewart! So true about the others, too. But I'd never been able to put my finger on what Jimmy Stewart's deal is. Uncomfortable in conversation + comfortable in his presence = so on point.

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Big Mark 243 said...

Hate to wet blanket Jimmy 'I'm a chauvanist and a racist' Stewart, but the combo is a bigger disqualifier than Woody's wooing of his step-daughter...

... I'll get back to cheerleading now... (looks for pom-poms)

At 4:46 PM, Blogger Jacob Soetaert said...

I have a man-crush on Talking Heads-era David Byrne.

At 6:25 PM, Blogger Tara said...

Jeff Goldblum has definitely been my nerdy crush all the way through grade school to now. And, I think Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera are adorable. What about Joseph Gordon-Levitt? I always get a cute nerdy vibe from him...

At 6:20 AM, Blogger hhoney said...

oh man oh man, how we will forever love Mr. Byrne. I miss our talks about him missy.

At 10:40 AM, Blogger allison said...

wow, these are excellent choices. jeff goldblum was hot in "the life aquatic," although not hotter than bill murray. (did someone just say "ew"?)

i personally heart zack braff.

At 6:16 PM, Blogger Christina In Wonderland said...

I totally have a strange love for sexy nerds and geeks. *rawr* In fact, my current geeky obsession is Fran Kranz. Little known actor, Yale grad, and super huge with the sexiness.

Plus, I always had a crush on Rick Moranis. There's just something about him... :)

At 10:46 AM, Blogger Politics of Love Chick said...

That was so much fun. You're making me want to make a nerd list of my own in honor of yours. Of course the big repeat would be J.G. and his sexy self. I would go on drooling about this, but I think we had this convo back when you wrote about working on the set of his movie

PS. I have that Rick moranis cd. And I like it. LOL

At 4:04 PM, Blogger The Kid In The Front Row said...

This blog gives me hope :D


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