Pubes Is a Word That Never Gets Old

If you're anything like me, you spend a lot of time watching Jeff Goldblum movies with your hand down your pants not dating. You've reached an age where you've become picky, decide you'll wait to date the person that is absolutely worthwhile, and when they come along, you've realized that you're completely out of touch on how to groom your pubes.

Wait, let me rephrase that. I know how to groom my pubic hair, I'm just no longer sure what the current trend of lady-scaping is.

I mean, maybe I was never in touch. Who knows?

Society has told me that bush= bad, shaved baby head= good. Outside of that, it's not like I have discussions with my lady friends about how they trim their woman fuzz.

I guess I could ask them, but it's not like something I think about on a minutely basis:

"Hey, Lauren, did you check out that new bar on east 6th street?"
"HEY, JENNIFER, HOW DO YOU TRIM YOUR PUBES?"

And it's not necessarily a question I want to post on Facebook (but is DEFINITELY a subject I will feel inclined to write a blog post about).

So how is a girl to know what the acceptable form of pubic hair style is, but more importantly, who decides? The girl, the gentleman friend, or society? I'm certainly a girl who marches to her own severely off-kilter, slightly mentally retardo beat, so asking a dude or society how I should do anything is not in my nature. However, I think this may be one of those topics that is a group effort. Much like 'it takes a village to raise a child', maybe it takes a village to tell you how to shave (or not) your pubes?

I did a little research and found that the scientists over at The Frisky created a poll for clueless chicks just like myself. What I discovered is that slightly more women prefer to lightly trim their nether region (35%) than completely bulldoze down the forest (33%). Also, more women tend to leave a full Chia Pet on their cootch (15%) versus creating a place for defective Southwest airplanes to land. Dyeing your heart-shaped pubic hair purple is not popular with anyone except for maybe Tila Tequila (less than 1%).

Reading up on vags, made me curious about the history of pubic hair and women. I discovered some interesting info:

-In Victorian Britain, it was popular to collect your lover's pubes as souvenirs, and men often wore them in their hats as a display of manliness. 'Cause nothing says "man" likes women's pubes on your head.

-The Merkin was created around 1450 for romantic purposes such as combating lice or hiding venereal diseases from your lover. 

-Trimming or removing pubic hair did not become popular in Western culture until bathing suits became less like straight jackets in the 1940's. 

-In 2007, a Florida woman received $15,000 in a botched Brazilian waxing accident that ripped her labia and caused her to get stitches. In 2009, NJ considered banning Brazilian waxing due to the amount of infections Jerseyites were receiving. From waxing. Not other stuff, duh.

-At various points in history, women have used quicklime, arsenic, donkey fat, bat's blood, and fire to remove pubes.

-In 2003, a Japanese trend began where women groomed their pubes to look like David Beckman's fauxhawk. I'm trying to start a trend where women groom their pubes to look like David Lynch's hair.

If I've learned anything from my inquisition it's that worrying about such questions as "how do I groom my pubes?" will lead to painful decisions like setting your cootch on fire. I guess the best approach is doing what's best for you and what's best to not make your partner run screaming in the other direction. Maybe society puts too much emphasis on women looking perfect, but this appears to be nothing new for women have been grooming their vags since before Jesus. At least now we have more humane methods of removal like someone sticking their head between your legs and ripping off your vagina with glue.

What plays a factor into you styling your pubes?