Hooker, That Sh*t Made me Cry Last Night! (some spoilers)

I will never make a good critic because I'm not a very objective person. In fact, I don't know how I feel about most entertainers (or even my life) except for Crispin Glover (extreme attraction), David Byrne (strong attraction but would have been more intense in 1984), Pee-Wee Herman (moderate attraction), and the Marx Brothers (they'd be, like, around 125 years old now so saying that I'm attracted to them concerns me). I generally know what I like and dislike, but my depth of critique has very minimal, child-like range of emotion. At the bottom end of the spectrum is "That Shit Sucked Ass and I'm Going to Throw Something Down on the Ground, Hard", somewhere in the middle is "If Shia LaBeouf is in it then it must be ok" and on the high end is, "My Lower Abdomen is Tingling So I Must Be Liking This?". 

One of those things that makes my crotch dance but I can't for the life of me tell you why is HBO's "True Blood". Every week I plant my ass down in front of the TV to watch this show. If I'm forced to be objective about this show I'd say that:

1.) The acting is over-the-top and theatrical (imagine Bill holding is hand up into the night air and bellowing "Sookie!" seven times an episode)

2.) It's about a subject matter I've never been interested in (or at least I keep telling myself)

However, I just can't get enough of that sappy vampire melodrama and last night's episode really brought me to the edge and turned me into a 14 year-old screaming child. For a good 45 minutes after the episode ended, a random, "Hot damn! That was so freakin' good!" would escape my lips while cleaning my room and doing the laundry. I even texted my friend and used up my one allotted usage of internet acronyms a week by screaming, "OMG! True Blood was AAAAAMMMMMMAAAAZZZZIIIIINNNNNGGGGG last night! I want to have Eric's babies!"

Highlights of last night's episode:

-Eric smiling

-Realizing that not only was Bill's human life taken from him, but his balls as well

-Sookie really shouldn't make Merlotte's table clothes into clothing

-Eric crying

-Blowing yourself up with silver only leaves behind a couple of fingers

-Sometimes being 2000 years old get uninspiring

-Eric speaking whatever language he was speaking last night

-Eric

-Eric

-Eric